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Do any of the rest of you have to deal with X's and their families?.....I guess that is a silly question knowing the divorce rate in the last 25 yrs......but......I still find it soooooooooooooooo uncomfortable and jolting every time there is a gathering:( I am only writing this because I know that none of his children ever look at this blog). I dread the events as much as going to the dentist. I fret and worry about the way I look, my hair, what I say, how I act.......so fearful of being judged!!!!! What a shame to be made to feel like that, but the truth is......after any event the phone starts ringing and everyone wants to check in with Rog about how everyone else behaved, looked, etc. I would be stupid to think they weren't doing the same about me! Then......there is the X! She is the size of a feather and although appearing in the picture of health.....always has some ailment that brings sympathy and such attentiveness from everyone! She has her daughter, the one with two small children, clean her house each week....and drive her everywhere....although they live 1/2 hour apart! She only likes the best of everything.....a real "princess". When we arrive all the attention goes to Rog.....as though I am not even there. I can't remember anyone ever asking me what I do for a living or have been doing with my time......just like I am not there! I found myself alone in the room several times yesterday while the group of dauther's and mom went into another room to talk. I finally went out to the car to take a break! Rog tries to stay with me, but actually this is his family...sons, wives, daughter, son-in-law, grandchildren and X inlaws. He very seldom gets to see them, so I hate ruining his time......(for years I just didn't go to these events, but I could see that it hurt him so I finally started attending). I wish I could rise above all this childishness and just be at ease......but it still is so difficult! Rog and I have been married 17 years and dated for 4 years prior.....wouldn't you think that all of this would be history by now? Sorry for bothering you with this silliness, but I feel like I have told a good friend and now I can go on......Thanks for letting me get it off my chest!
10 comments:
Thanks for getting that off your chest. I have the identical situation. My take is to realize it is not personal, they would do the same thing to WHOEVER was in your position. I really try to find as much humor as possible to deal w/them...dress funny, bring fun items to eat(wormy thingys, which the kids love), give them something to actually "talk" about and since I started doing that, the kids are always drawn to me, therefore, the best part of any uncomfortable time is with the kiddos! Luckily, the times are few and far between but they do make them more tolerable when I can be myself and sooo silly!! This works for me, hopefully you can find something to work for you. I do soo understand.
I am so sorry you were treated with out the warmth and kindness you obviously try to show to them. I think it all comes down to the children again..........they see things much clearer than adults do. They see who you are and love you. I hope they show the adults what they are missing by not including you. It really is their loss. Hugs.
HUGS to you Linda. Families are hard - and even when it is your own flesh and blood. I am sorry you are hurting !
I don't have to deal with any X's, but I have gone to events where I feel the much the same way. I have several friends who have to deal with X's and most are treated the same way too. It's a shame - and so petty of them. I have only been reading your blog for a few months and I find you to be such a warm, kind-hearted, talented, fun person. Too bad they can't see that too. In the end it is THEIR loss if they don't want to take the time to get to know you. Don't feel bad about sharing....that's what we are here for!!!
You're right, in this day and age many of us deal with these issues.
I raised my husbands 2 kids from a previous marriage, they are now 36 and 37 and I still do not have any kind of relationship with his daughter...very uncomfortable. As for the x...she died 20 years ago...and...I hope you don't think I'm a bad person, but, that made life bearable finally.
So I understand, and hope it helped you to write it out and get it out there. Your friends here know and support you!
xo
stephanie
If I was there, I would give you a great big hug!!
I have been in this situation for a long time. It helps to remind myself that I am there for the one I love and to --- with everything else. Actually, it is a bit uncomfortable for my loved one, too. I think it helps knowing I am there to be supportive. It's hard to be objective, but after many years, my pain has truly turned to pity for the offending people. They are missing so much and truly reaping what they have sown. Don't compare yourself to "her" because you are so beautiful, Linda; both inside and out.
Love you, baby..... luv, sis
Seeing the photo of those twoo little angels makes all the other "stuff' pale in comparison. Hang in there! Sounds like you're doing just that!!
Donna
what an awkward and uncomfortable situation - my heart goes out to you - all family's seem to have their dynamics - and there is usually a lesson of some kind hiding therin like the silver lining behind a cloud - and it is so wonderful that you can share and speak from your heart to us - who, when we hear of your discomfort wish to reach out and tell you that we care - hearts embracing - good for all of us...
xox - eb.
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