Monday, July 12, 2010

The Lengths to Which a Grandma Will Go......

Now that my blog is secure, I feel more free to write my deep feelings....
knowing that those that can view are only family and friends.
The hurt that Autism has brought can never be expressed. My first born grandchild....
beautiful and full of life.....will never enjoy the things that other children enjoy;
the carnival,
zoo,
a beautifiul flower,
a walk in the rain,
a good book
or the interaction of other children.
She lives in a world where running to and fro fill much of her day.
She cannot express when she hurts,
feels left out,
needs kind words or even a clean sheet on her bed!
Sometimes the pain I feel for her is unbearable.
I guess in my own way I am in denial......
even when it comes to taking pictures like above.
I have to take hundreds of photos to get one or two where she looks like a typical child.
To catch one where she makes eye contact and has a hint of a smile is difficult.
This little girl has occupied so much of my awake and sleep time I am ashamed to admit.
Each new event surrounding Autism
gives us hope but is usually dashed due to the cost.
The last thing we saw was on T.V. last week.
They spoke of how children with Autism come alive when taken to the ocean
and put on a surf board.
They have no idea why it works, but it does.
Rog and I immediately started asking each other how we could get Margo to the beach!
I googled places that have artificial waves and surfing available.
We talked about the legistics of taking Margo in the car for a long drive
or even an air flight.
Nothing is easy.....since her routine is so important to her behavior.
One of the few things that puts a smile on this little girls face is food and the Jacuzzi!
I begged her dad to put a Jacuzzi in their last house.....
but other things were far too important!
First he needed lasic surgery....then there were the lawyers bill for all the DUI's!
Oh, and don't forget the 400.00 a month Mo. Atheletic Club dues.
Wouldn't want to forget those&^%%#$.
I realize that everyone needs a life
and that one child can't dictate all the household spending,
but there are so few things that she likes,
it would seem to be that they would take precident over leisure time activities!
I have taken a minimum wage job in order to buy Margo the Jacuzzi
that she so enjoys.
I only wish I would work the rest of my days
so that she could enjoy the world like typical kids do:(

2 comments:

cheryl kuhn said...

What a wonderful grandma you are and how lucky Margo is to have you in her life. I know how hard it is to watch someone you love so much, struggle with their life but the only thing you can do is just be there when she needs you and support her no matter what, which is what you already do. I have also heard that horse therapy works well with autistic children, have you looked into that? I know that it is easy to find stables but it might be a little harder to find one that has a program for autistic children. There was a story in People magazine how horses changed an autistic boy's life. I hope the jacuzzi will make a big difference for her!

Roxy with the Moxy said...

remember the dog story about how a child with autism connects with any pet? I know she doesn't have a dog of her own now. It isn't always easy to take care of an animal, as we all know. A dog might be something that Margo could connect with... Google it, and maybe you can find that story from a couple of years ago... I love you... you are a sweet grammie !!!